I always know when he's back in town, because it becomes stormy again

I was harrassed last night by the deadbeat... at 2:30 am. I bite back... I shouldn't have, but I did. I really need to practise some more control over my impulses. How can I have been married to someone for almost 2 decades and not know what a sociopathic pathetic excuse for a human he is. I told him that difficult times are a test to a person's mettle... and he failed gloriously. The worst part of it is how to uses the children as pawns in his evil game to ruin my life. I have toughened up some. I'm not the complete submissive woman I used to be. I fight back now, and try not to let him call all the shots. He was a shitty husband, unfortunatly. I was his trophy/piece of meat/doormat. He never really did like me all that much. When I begged him to seek counseling years ago (11, to be exact), he laughed in my face and told me I was the problem. Because we had three children together, I just put my head in the sand like an ostrich. I guess it became too much for me.