Some things go from bad to worse. Some things. Not all. So, I am finally divorced, although there was never a big moment where my lawyer said: 'You're divorced'... I don't even know what day is actually took place. And funnily enough, my ex emailed me a couple of days ago with a one liner: ARE WE DIVORCED YET??? I didn't bother to answer him. I paid for it.

He's still being a ... gosh, i don't know what to call him. or what word to use. It's actually quite indescribable. Horrible? Disgusting? Vile? Awful? Mean? Nasty? Wrong?... whatever.

I moved out of the matrimonial home on August 1, 2008. I lived a year and a half of pure HELL prior to that. And prior to that, I was numb for about 10 years. The journals I've kept are hidden in a dark place until I'm ready to read them again. I remember what I wrote. A wish-wash of emotions. I love him, no I don't. Yes I do, please God, I do. No... I don't. But I want to. But wait:

He's just not into you.